What a week it's been! I'm still struggling with chronic illness crap but keeping my mind busy. I'm sloooowly making my way through "House of Leaves" still. This book is insane. It successfully creeped me out so badly I wanted to chuck it across the room. (It's borrowed from the library though so I didn't.) Excellent read and I wish I had the energy to just finish it up but each chapter I finish takes so much processing anyway so even if I was feeling my best, I'd probably still have to take it just as slowly.
There aren't enough hours in the day to keep up with all of the changes happening in the world. Today felt so much lighter though. There were some silver linings in the dark clouds of dread. I know not to believe that all of the madness will just suddenly stop but it's amazing to see people stand up for what is right. I didn't spend too long feeling hopeless and afraid because I witnessed all that is good in humanity in just a few days. I'm still witnessing it. Others who rise up, unafraid, inspire me to do the same even if it's just on a small, personal level. Just because I'm small (and currently pretty gimpy) doesn't mean I can't do small things to help out the good causes. I don't feel helpless anymore when I feel I can use my voice to be heard. I feel like when I am an ear for others, that helps too. I keep my eyes open. I can watch and read the news without feeling upset, afraid or angry. I'm not afraid to reach out to my indigenous community anymore. I'm not afraid to ask questions or to correct someone who may be misinformed on something. I'm not keeping silent anymore out of fear that my very existence will be the cause of offending someone. These are good things.
I keep an open mind when I listen. I feel where the other person comes from when they speak. I can respect passionate rants that aren't harmful to others and that aren't messages of hate and intolerance. I have courage to tune out, walk away, turn off or block out those who do spread hurtful messages. I don't let it get under my skin anymore.
The love I feel is stronger than all of the hate in the world. The love I see and read about that others have and live their lives based upon is stronger than that. It brings me joy to see crowds of people gathered to stand up against injustice.
I know to unplug from time to time. Everyone should. We're still allowed to laugh, enjoy ourselves, spend time not talking about it all for a bit, eat good food, go outside, etc. All strong warriors need breaks. All humans need breaks. It doesn't mean we aren't in the midst of a battle and that we're losing focus from it. It means we nurture our souls and our spirits by allowing ourselves to experience some joy. Feeling good while you're doing good helps the good. Right? So take a rest. Watch a funny film. Call or visit an old friend and laugh it up about the good ole days. Dance. Make some art. Sing. Keep your heart open. Feel love in all you do.
Sometimes I get so lost in my notebooks that my coffee has grown cold and hours pass and I'll take a break and wonder what the heck I did and how the heck I did it. But that's alright. Through all of this excruciating pain I'm dealing with, it's nice to see my little accomplishments build up because too many times I struggle with feeling like a worthless burden on everyone I know and all of society or something. (It's ridiculous to feel this way. I totally know. :) ) Even if my only success of the week is a lot of pretty decent micropoems, it still makes me happy. :)
Have a good week everyone!